Grandma wrote me back!
Lance came in with the mail, and excitedly handed me the letter from another Audrey (i was named after my grandmother). I held it nervously, and was suddenly afraid. Physically, i was showing the symptoms of fear (like when i drive over a bridge). Why? It’s just a letter. But for some reason, i feared the judgment i felt sure lay within.
As i opened and read it, i realized i had nothing to fear. She’s just a grandma, and MY grandma at that. She loves me, and reassured me of that fact. She also said she really had no impression of me as being someone who only get her kicks at bars and nightclubs. She also expressed a delight in the fact that we were conversing at all, even if we were disagreeing, saying we haven’t talked this much in years. Which is basically true. There was a little more of the preaching, and quite a few bits of anecdotal “evidence” of how god has answered her prayers. But overall it was a pleasant letter.
I think this correspondence will continue. I certainly plan to write back, and perhaps, if she also continues to write to me, we can regain something of the bond we had when we were both younger. I am her oldest grandchild, her namesake, and we did have a special grandmother/granddaughter understanding. For a few years in elementary and middle school, i would ride the bus to her house after school. She would inevitably be napping, and i would sneak into her room and lie down next to her, and we would talk. Then we would get up and she would treat me to a slice of her splendid sourdough bread, topped with jelly. Eventually my brothers also started coming to Grandma’s after school, and i remember wishing they would go away and i could have her to myself again.
Grandma also took me to my piano lessons once a week. When i was ten, she got the notion that i should learn to drive. We would leave early for piano lessons, and on the back roads near the teacher’s home, she would let me drive her big banana-colored Cadillac. I could barely reach the pedals and couldn’t really see over the wheel of that huge car! Once instance, i remember fondly. “Now Audrey, pretend there is an egg underneath the brake. Press gently on the brake, you don’t want to break the egg. I said DON’T BREAK THE EGG!!!” After the car came to a very sudden halt, i said “Grandma, i think there’s egg on your floor.” And we both dissolved in laughter.
She loved horses, and wanted me to learn to ride. I had some experience with horseback riding from summer camp, but she wanted me to learn real riding. When she was young, Grandma had ridden a lot, and she has many stories about those days. To teach me, she had some friends who owned horses, and i learned how to ride and how to steer on my own – these horses would do what you told them, and weren’t just follow-the-leader horses. Once in a large pasture she said, “OK Audrey, now we’re going to gallop.” With terror in my voice, i replied, “But Grandma, i don’t WANT to gallop!!” Her response was to grab my reins and kick her horse. All i could do was hold on. When it was over, i agreed it was thrilling, but declined to do that again.
All these memories and more, i cherish. We can’t go back to that innocent time, but my hope now is that we can get to know one another again.