AudreyPodrey.com

This is my 4th year with the Shulls at their beach vacation week.  I daresay, this is the only week each year where i really get a true vacation.  Most of my vacation days go for bridge tournaments.  Which i don’t regret in the least, but bridge is not exactly a vacation, since it involves somewhat insane amounts of focus.  This beach week is about relaxation, and that’s what i enjoy about it.

The drive on Sunday was beautiful, and we drove with the top down and Nugent basking in the back seat.  We arrived around 4 pm and then went to the grocery store.  Dinner was served shortly thereafter, and a relaxing evening commenced.

If we had known that that was the last we would see of the sun for 5 days, i think we might have gone to the beach instead of the grocery store.  But we didn’t, and most of the week was rainy and cloudy and extremely windy.  This was fine, in general, as the family tends to spend 85% of their time lounging around the beach house anyway.

But Friday, our last day, dawned bright and sunny.  And we finally got a day to enjoy in the ocean.  And, it was warm enough for me to consent to being buried in the sand.

Being buried in the sand was one of my lifelong goals.  Why?  I dunno.  It’s trivial, but not something i’ve ever done.  I enjoy new experiences.  I have some vague memories of watching others being buried, and how much laughter ensued.  I just want to be able to say i’ve done it.

Here are a few things i learned and want to pass on about being buried in the sand:

1. You will get sand in your mouth.  Not because people are trying to bury your face, but just because you are talking and laughing.  Which you will do.  Because being buried in the sand is somewhat absurd.
2. You will get sand in your ears.
3. You will get sand in places you don’t really want to get sand.  Man or woman.  One piece or two piece.
4. You will feel like a mummy in a sarcophagus.
5. When you break free, you will feel like Frankenstein rising from the dead.
6. Rinsing the sand off in the ocean when you’re done will not do a good job of removing the sand from all those places you didn’t really want to get sand.
7. You should wait to get buried until you’re about ready to leave the beach, because once all that sand is in the places you don’t want it to be, you won’t want to stay any longer.
8. You might take two showers, because one was not enough to really get all the sand off.
9. You will find sand in your ears the next day, even if you took two showers the day of the burial.

Regardless, it’s an experience i wanted to have, and i’m glad i did it.  Thanks to Lance and Kevin for helping burying me, and to ShullDad for taking the pictures.

Frith asked me about Toastmasters - what do we do, why, and what do we get out of it?  I started to form a reply to her Facebook comment, but it just kept getting longer.  I think it’s appropriate as a blog post.

What is it?

Toastmasters is basically a group of people who want to get better at speaking in front of a group.  Our meetings last one hour.  Members who attend are asked to fill a variety of roles for a meeting.  You might be asked to give a prepared speech, an impromptu speech, evaluate someone else’s speech, time everyone else, etc.   Every role has a speaking component.  In this way, you gain experience speaking in front of others as well as serving in roles that may have leadership or listening components.

Why do it?

People join for different reasons.  I personally joined because i am not comfortable when i’m put on the spot, and i want to get better at that.  A few years ago in a performance review, i was also told that i need to be more assertive; i figured Toastmasters could help me with that.

I know several people who joined because English is not their first language, and they were using it as a way to force themselves to speak English in a formal setting, and also potentially improve accents and/or grammar.  I know another guy who joined primarily because of the connections he would form to other people and groups within the company.  Others join because they know they will have to give presentations for their job and want to be more effective.  Some do it at the suggestion of management.  Some do it to overcome shyness or a fear of speaking.  Overall, though, i think it’s just about personal improvement.

What do we get out of it?

I’ve been  a member for over a year.  I haven’t been extremely aggressive with it, but i participate when i can.  I already notice that i use fewer “um”, “ah” or other filler words.  I’m less nervous about standing in front of the room or having everyone look at me.  Some nervousness remains, but i’m still working on that.  I’m better at thinking on my feet and responding to impromptu inquiries.

I was able to give a presentation to my peers a few weeks ago with little preparation or practice.  And when the demo went a bit awry, it only flustered me slightly instead of the basket case i might otherwise have been.  I definitely think my confidence has improved when it comes to telling people what i think.  In the past i would often find myself saying “i think X..” when in reality, i KNOW X, especially when someone disagrees with me.  I’m learning to assert myself better.

One of the other things that you learn is about how to facilitate a meeting.  Everyone gets experience as the Toastmaster, who is responsible for getting the meeting together, soliciting volunteers, getting an agenda together, and conducting the meeting.  There’s definitely a leadership element here, and worth learning.

As a bonus, you learn about the things the speakers choose to speak about.  Today, for example, i learned about the history of Iran, and the state of the country today.  Two weeks ago a girl took us on a journey to China.  Last week someone told us about Stop Hunger Now and their upcoming event near my house, so i signed up to help.  People are pretty interesting, and they have neat things to say.  I enjoy hearing about stuff i wouldn’t normally encounter.

What happens at a meeting?

Our meetings occur at lunchtime and last one hour.  The following roles are filled by members:

• Toastmaster - Plans and leads the meeting.  Makes sure all the roles are filled so the meeting can happen, puts together an agenda, and welcomes members at the beginning.  Often contains a speech element as each meeting has some sort of theme and the TM might give a short speech about that theme.  Introduces speakers.
• Timekeeper - Times and records each speech and delivers a report at end.
• Speakers - Prepared speech, usually from one of the speaking manuals, but sometimes people practice things like toasts, eulogies or speeches they have to give for work.  We generally have time for 1-3 speakers.
• Evaluators - Listens and evaluates the speaker based on the objectives of the speech, which vary.  Each speaker has a different evaluator.  The evaluation is verbal, given in front of the group.
• General Evaluator - Listens and evaluates the entire meeting.  This is really an evaluation of the Toastmaster, but also each of the other roles.  Evaluation is verbal and given in front of the group.
• Grammarian - Listens for filler words, Ums and Ahs, general sentence structure.  For example, sometimes i have sentences that never end - the grammarian would try to catch that and give suggestions.
• Table Topics Master - Leads the impromptu portion of the meeting.  Usually has some prepared questions and poses them to members, who must answer the question in a 2-3 minute period.  Members get practice speaking on the spot and under time pressure.

Typically, the Toastmaster calls the meeting to order and speaks on the day’s theme for 5-10 minutes.  Then he calls the speakers, who might talk for 5-7 minutes each.  After the prepared speeches comes Table Topics, which may last 10-15 minutes.  Next comes the evaluations of the prepared speeches, followed by the evaluation of the full meeting.  The grammarian and timekeeper would then give their brief reports.

The program

The program is very extensive.  After my 10th speech, i’ll be what they call a Competent Communicator.  It is the most common place where individuals stop attending Toastmasters, but there are actually many other milestones.  You can go as far with it as you want - it’s all up to the individual.

There are two tracks through the program - the Communication Track and the Leadership Track.  You can focus on just one or do them concurrently.

The Communication Track focuses on speaking.  The speaking milestones all involve you completing a manual or set of manuals.  Each manual contains 5-10 speeches.  You choose the topics yourself, but one speech might require you to use visual props, another might have to be persuasive in nature, another might require you to move your body, yet another might have to be humorous.

The Leadership Track tends to be related to roles other than speaking.  To fulfill those requirements, you must serve in other roles such as an evaluator for others’ speeches, Toastmaster for meetings, club officer, organizing club events such as speech contests, etc.  These roles might have speech elements, but the focus is on getting practice in leadership/facilitating positions.

I really can’t say enough good things about it - i thoroughly enjoy it.

Frith asked me a question in the comments of my goals post.  She asked what things that i have accomplished that i am proud of or have learned from.  I think this is a cool question.  For me in particular, because i generally do not spend a lot of time reflecting on the past.  I generally look to the future.  Perhaps too much so, as i should probably live in the present more.

In a way, this turns into a what-do-i-like-about-myself exercise.  Because to a large extent, we are the sum of our experiences.

• Parasailing - this sounds stupid, but for years i wanted to experience parasailing.  When i did finally do it, it was fun but not as much fun as i had imagined.  I have learned that a lot of things are like that, and whenever i have that “is that all there is?” feeling, i remember parasailing.  My parasailing experience taught me that a lot of things are not what they are cracked up to be, and it has stuck with me.
• Snow skiing - and whitewater rafting, and horseback riding, and water skiing, and rockclimbing, and freefalling… these are all things that i have tried, and each one was a separate, personal challenge.  It’s part of an overall attitude of seeking out new things and that it’s OK to take some risks.
• Marriage - even though it didn’t work out, there is no denying that i learned a vast amount from the experience of being married.  The process of two people melding into one unit.  Learning how to live with another person.  Aligning your goals with someone else’s.  Compromise.
• Divorce - similarly, the process of extracting onesself from such a relationship was a huge event in my life.  It was miserable, but i learned a great deal about myself and a good bit about others.
• Cohabitation - it is like being married, yet different.  It challenges societal norms.  It has caused me to really examine what i want out of a relationship.  So again, i learned a lot about myself (and still am).
• Working - ever since i was old enough to get a worker’s permit at 15, i have held some kind of job.  In high school I worked as a secretary’s assistant and a fast food cook/cashier.  I learned time management, responsibility, how to work with others, how to communicate well with and even hold authority over people older than me, how to budget, that people can be pretty shitty, and that people can also be pretty great.
• Volunteering - i was exposed to people much less fortunate than me at a young age as the homeless shelter in our town is part of the charitable organization my dad is involved with.  My brothers and i volunteered a fair amount growing up.  I think it has shaped my view of what it means to have and to have not.

There are of course other experiences i have learned from and am proud of which have shaped who i am.  But when Frith asked, these are the major things that came to mind as having contributed to my worldview.

A few weeks ago, i was reading an article at Get Rich Slowly that stressed the importance of setting goals.  The point was, if you don’t set specific goals, how can you accomplish anything?  How will you stretch yourself if you don’t have something to push yourself towards?

There is some evidence to suggest that written goals, in particular, will make you more likely to reach them.  I decided to try and write down 100 goals for my life.  After all, there are lots of things i want to do!  It was harder than i thought.  I wrote and wrote and had a huge page full of goals, big and small.  But when i first counted them up i still only had 47.  Eventually though, i was able to come up with more than 100 goals.  Some are really important, and some are not, but they are all things i’d like to do at some point.  Some of them i could do today if i decided to, and some will a lifelong pursuit.

I showed my initial list to Lance, and his first question was, “Why aren’t you doing more to make these things happen?”  Good question.  From now on, i’m going to make an effort to live a more conscious, directed life.  I recently came across an opportunity to take a CPR and First Aid class in the evenings after work, and i’m going to take it.  That will be one item i can cross off of this list, and hopefully more will soon follow.  I’m going to update the list as i go.

Here they are - my 100+ Goals.

I would challenge anyone to complete this same exercise - make a list of the things you want to do, and then start taking conscious action to accomplish them.