How NOT to Network
I used to work with someone. She was quirky, but pleasant enough. She trained me in one area, and i learned a lot from her. We were in touch off and on for the years after that, but for the most part, i felt the conversation was generally All About Her whenever i saw her.
She was terminated last year. Fast forward to now, and there are a few job openings in my group. Just this week. She has applied for one, and sent me an email. It contained one line asking about me and Lance, but it wasn’t really personal and seemed disinterested and/or obligatory. The real meat of the message was a significantly longer paragraph about her needs, asking me to personally hand her resume to the hiring (my) manager.
First of all, i’ll just say i think it’s bizarre to apply for jobs at a company that has terminated you. Being laid off is one thing, but this seems a different scenario.
But ignoring that, i am not keen to give an endorsement. I did learn quite a bit from her in our early days of working together, but some later work experiences were not as positive. I’m sensitive to the economy and how people need help, and it often helps to have an inside person vouching for you. But she’s not networking very well. She hasn’t made me want to help her. When all our previous encounters were all about her, i can’t help but thinking “oh now that you want something, now you ask about Lance?”
It’s an emotional response, i’ll admit. And i did end up talking to my manager about her. I gave positives and negatives.
How to Do It Right
I used to work with a guy i’ll call P. Around the same time i worked with the woman above. He was a nice guy, and we eventually became friends, if just casual work friends. We bonded most while discussing our respective casino trips – i would go to play NL HoldEm, and he goes with his dad and plays Pai Gow the whole time.
I have a vague memory of a difficult time working with him, but i can’t remember exactly what it was. The rest was positive.
It’s been years since we worked together, but I still hear from P about three times per year. Twice randomly, and once when it’s time for NCAA basketball brackets to be filled out. He does it right. He sends me a couple pictures of his kid, asks about several things he knows i have going on in my life, and tells me a little news about himself. And he always mentions casinos and poker. He keys in on that common interest we had. Even though neither of us has been to a casino in more than two years, it’s something to re-establish the connection. We’ll have a thread a few emails long each time while we briefly catch up, and then half a year will pass and he’ll do it again.
The self-absorbed side of me thinks that i’m just that cool, that he wants to stay in touch. But the more realistic side of me thinks, wow, this dude knows how to network. I’m probably one of several people he does this with. He might have a reminder set every six months, and he emails the people on his networking list. It’s smart. He’s networking before he needs it, and maintaining relationships that may help him in the future. I am in awe of it, and i tell myself i should do that too, but i don’t follow through.
I like P. If he hadn’t stayed in touch with me, i’m sure i’d remember him, but only vaguely. I’d remember the guy who i talked about casino trips with, but i might also remember the difficult work experience. And if he asked me out of the blue to endorse his resume? I’d likely feel similarly to the situation above. As things are, if P asked me to put in a good word for him, i would. He’s made me want to help him, if he ever needs it. I haven’t worked with him in years, but he’s maintained that connection.
The thing is, i don’t think he’ll need my help.
May 15th, 2009 10:10 am
Most of the career advice I’m reading lately seems to indicate that the most effective networking is just keeping in touch with people you enjoy or find interesting. In your examples above (although, yes, it’s likely that P has a file with reminders, and is thus a kick-ass role model for us all), the woman comes off as using you because she’s using you, and probably doesn’t give a crap about you otherwise. You can’t fake that (or if you can, you just shouldn’t – it’s not nice). Whereas P seems to be keeping up with you because he thinks you’re someone to keep up with. I dunno – how hard do you think this is to pull off, once you set yourself a nice little recurring iCal event? What do you think is the major difference between good networking (which is supposed to be crucial in your career, but only if done right) and just, say, keeping in touch with old friends? And finally, what do you think is proper protocol for asking someone in the MBA class of 2009 to be in my LinkedIn network, even though a) neither of us is a working professional yet; b) we’re not even in the same program (to my surprise, I’ve found the average MBA candidate is actually nicer and more engaging than the average MAcc’er); and c) I haven’t gotten any further than opening the LinkedIn account, months ago.
May 16th, 2009 1:07 am
I agree that good networking is keeping up with people you enjoy or find interesting. I think it takes some work to do that, though. P is definitely a role model. That’s kind of my point – we can’t just add people to a LinkedIn network and expect that that will provide a meaningful link. Anymore than adding friends on facebook means i’m real buds with all those people. There’s a difference between knowing someone and KNOWING someone. Facebook, LinkedIn and other social networking sites serve as tools to HELP us find people we might want to get back in touch with. But we have to do the actual networking part ourselves. So i think it’s fine to add people to your LinkedIn profile, and probably a good move. But they are more likely to go to bat for you if you have a connection that is something other than electronic.